What a fucking waste of an outfit
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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