Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
