Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
