Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
even my farts smell like vagina
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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