Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Blow job season was short but glorious.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
