He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
