Jerry, you need to find god
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
