i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
