i think my tv is drunk
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
