im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I understand Curling. That high.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
