My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
