It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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