I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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