just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
there is glitter all over my balls
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
