I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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