Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
