I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My vagina is very pro this idea
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
