She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
