i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
