dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
