hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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