Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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