I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
