Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
