oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
