I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
