In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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