guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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