proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
