I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Randomize
