My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
