I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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