I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
