i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
