I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
