You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
