Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
