dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
