Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
