I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
