In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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