I'm jealous of your bromance
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The best revenge is premature balding
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
