Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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