So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
