I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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