Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
