i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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