he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
