nut hugger
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Randomize
