She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
