Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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