Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
