why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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